What is spiritual direction? The short answer: a help to pray. The Catholic tradition has long regarded spiritual direction, for a person who is praying regularly, as a means of growth towards becoming a more prayerful person. So spiritual direction is a positive reality: helping to become “the best me”. It is not confession or counselling, not primarily a place to solve problems or give solutions to difficulties, but rather it is an adult conversation about God’s work in us, especially his love.
God wants to communicate his friendship and love to each of us. Fr Pat O’Sullivan sj says, “The deepest reason why so few of us are saints is because we will not let God love us”. Perhaps you are being called to let God love you more! Yes, God is at work in each of us, but we often do not notice it! Spiritual direction is a conversation with someone (the spiritual director) who promises to listen and to try and help us find God more deeply. It is part of the ongoing lifelong relationship God has with us. God is so surprising, so creative and so desirous of our friendship. Committing to growing in prayer is part of the universal call to holiness for each of us. Pope Francis says, in his apostolic exhortation Gaudete et Exsultate (Rejoice and be glad), that Jesus “wants us to be saints ... My modest aim is to re-propose the call to holiness in a practical way for our time, with all its risks, challenges and opportunities. … Holiness consists in a habitual openness to the transcendent, expressed in prayer and adoration. The saints are distinguished by a spirit of prayer and a need for communion with God”. Working with a trained director in spiritual direction is a solid and achievable way of taking that call to holiness more seriously. Many years ago Pope St Pius X said that the true renewal of any parish was to form a group of people of serious prayer. Bishop Steve has this aim of renewal also, and has made it a priority to provide and promote spiritual direction in the diocese.
The Holy Spirit is the director: God is at work but the wisdom of the Christian tradition tells us that another pilgrim can help us hear that voice more clearly. We can deceive ourselves or self sabotage. Asking a more experienced pilgrim to help us pray is an act of humility. A spiritual director is an objective, external voice. It is a truth that someone else can help me listen to what God is saying.
It implies that the pray-er is self-aware and has self-knowledge. The pray-er is daily, with honesty, recording (perhaps in a notebook or journal) how their prayer is going and feels free to then talk about this prayer journey.
Setting the boundaries
Any spiritual direction relationship has a beginning, middle and end.
Beginning. Initial contact and a first meeting. You, the directee, are seeking someone who can help you, and you arrange a time to meet up and discuss your needs and good desires, with no obligation to continue. If both director and directee then agree to continue, you agree on a monthly meeting of 50/60 minutes. You agree that you will prepare for the meeting by reviewing the last month of prayer and your spiritual life. You agree that you will listen. (The spiritual director is a listener also.)
The middle is the meeting itself. Perhaps it begins with a prayer. Then you explain what has been happening in the last month. That means you thought seriously and humbly about the following questions. When did I feel close to God? How did I feel God was at work? What encouraged me? What gave me deeper faith, hope and love?
What gave me more generous desires? What made me more grateful? What directed my focus outside myself? What lifted my heart so I could be present to the joy and sorrows of others? What generated new inspiration and ideas? What restored balance and refreshed my inner vision? What showed me where God is active in my life and where God is leading me? What released new energy in me?
In the real world there is the angel of light and also the spirit of darkness. So we discuss the things that stop us growing, and in Ignatian spirituality the term for this is desolation, which is a trap to lead me away from God.
What discouraged me? What leads me away from joy and peace? What turns me in on myself? What crowds out distant vision, or drives me down the spiral ever deeper into negative dark feelings? What cuts me off from community? What makes me want to give up the helpful things from the past, or covers up all my landmarks (the signs of our journey with God so far)? What drains me of energy?
The end. Each session concludes with a summary of what has happened: new insights, challenges and encouragement. There may be a discussion if recently we perhaps haven’t found spiritual direction helpful or what we expected . There may come a time when one or both of you feel that your conversation in spiritual direction has done its work in this season of your life, or one or both of you move to a different location, and you decide it is time to cease the meetings. These are all good things to talk about with your director, doing so with gratitude and peace.
Fr Carl sm and Fr Richard Shortall sj are available for spiritual direction and can travel to meet you. Contact Alex Bailey at the Chanel Centre to arrange a first meeting. alexb@cdh.org.nz
