It was only after graduation when I hit rock bottom, that I decided to “give this Jesus thing a go.”
I remember being at university almost ten years ago and sitting in my friend Hannah’s room. We had just been given the assignment to write our own testimony and then present it to our peers in the upcoming class. Hannah grew up in a great Catholic family and had always had a personal relationship with the Lord. I had also grown up with incredible Catholic parents, but for the better part of high school I let rebellion get the best of me. It was only after graduation when I hit rock bottom, that I decided to “give this Jesus thing a go.” I’m not sure whether it was my experience of conversion or just my procrastinating attitude, but our assignment didn’t concern me in the least. Hannah on the other hand, clearly concerned, began to share that she felt that she didn’t have a testimony or at least not an exciting one.
I think back to that time often and it is a memory that I will have with me for the rest of my life. This fear that Hannah had was conditioned by watching so many big Catholic speakers share their own stories of radical conversion. While I am someone with a radical conversion, I have experienced many smaller, yet more powerful moments of conversion after I had already chosen to have a personal relationship with the Lord. Upon further reflection, these moments of conversion were powerful because they were moments of repentance. Repentance is a word we hear used a lot in Church language and in the Gospels. Preaching repentance was the mission of John the Baptist, and Christ himself often proclaimed the call to repent and believe. But what does repentance mean? For a long time, my answer would have been: “feel sorry for my sin” and “atonement for my sins.” What I was actually defining was contrition and penance. Repentance is a radical reorientation of our life, a turning away from sin and a turning to something greater, namely the person of Jesus. The Kingdom is here and it’s time to enter it. We turn from the unfulfilling life of sin and turn to a tender and loving saviour who spared nothing, so that we could draw nearer to him. He came so that in our sin we could run to him. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus shares his mission: “For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost (Luke 19:10).”
“While I am someone with a radical conversion, I have experienced many smaller, yet more powerful moments of conversion after I had already chosen to have a personal relationship with the Lord.”
In Exodus we read the story of Moses, a great leader, who goes up Mount Sinai and is given the Ten Commandments. Moses descends the mountain and points people to their sin but is unable to heal them of their transgressions. Fast-forward to the Gospel of Matthew, we see a similar scene. Jesus goes up the mountain and proclaims the Beatitudes, the blessings enjoyed by all who live in relationship with the Lord. But this time, he comes down the mountain and immediately encounters a leper (the Jews regarded leprosy as a sign of sin) and he heals him. This healing symbolises for us that Jesus did not come to cover or step in for our sin, but to heal us. He scrubs us clean and makes us new so that we never have to live without him.
Repentance is radical reorientation of our whole life: how we view the world, our purpose as individuals and as a race, and how we view others. It does not just call for a leaving behind of sin but asks that we take on a new attitude, to look at everything and everyone (including ourselves) with the eyes of Christ.
In the Gospel of Luke we hear the story of Zacchaeus. He is a tax collector, which means he is one of the most hated men among the people. The Romans knew how to destroy a culture, so they would choose tax collectors from among their own people. So Zacchaeus is a Jew chosen by the Romans to collect whatever other Jews owed in taxes and the only way he could make money himself was to take more than what the people owed. In other words, Zacchaeus made a living by extorting his people. One day he hears about Jesus and something calls to him. Scripture begins by telling us that Jesus is passing through Jericho. I believe that this is to show that God always moves towards us first.
It is there that we find Zaccheus trying to make his way through the crowd because he desperately wants to respond to God. Unfortunately, he can’t get to Jesus because he is too short, so he climbs a tree. And Jesus comes to him and tells him “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down; for I must stay at your house today (Luke 19:5).” And what Jesus is really saying is that “I want to come into your home and I want you to encounter me.”
In my own life, I’ve been the sinner. I’ve moved towards him afraid to receive judgement but instead I’ve received healing. Every time we encounter Christ we receive healing. He does not just want to wash us of our sin, but his desire is to change the way that we live. Zacchaeus is so moved by his encounter with Christ that he gives away half of his possessions and repays the people with great generosity. He turns from a life of extortion to a relationship with Jesus to which Christ responds, “Today salvation has come to your house (Luke 19:9).” Christ came to seek out and save the lost and the more we drop the encumbrance of sin, the more we can embrace the kingdom in front of us.
I pray that wherever you are in your own journey, you can reflect upon how God is calling you to a deeper encounter. Perhaps you are still wrestling with sin and vice. Maybe God seems like an old distant friend. For you, he makes it easy, just invite him into your heart. He will draw near and heal you. Maybe you are like Hannah, maybe he is a close friend. I want to encourage you to reflect on your journey and cultivate a deep gratitude. Then ask the Lord, “Where can I make your presence known? Where do you desire to take flesh?
